"Dr. Crusher here. If this is a medical emergency, please go directly to audio. If not, please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible."
[It's very ingrained in her to trust certain types of authority figures already... and moreso, she's very cognizant that there are things missing from her memory, that she gets confused. Her default is to trust anyone who seems trustworthy.
The problem here is that this directly contradicts certain things. But on the other hand, She knows that Bifrons has lied about... a lot of stuff. Things that she doesn't even know about. Dr. Crusher hasn't lied about anything, has she?]
Whiskey threw me out of the army because he said if I was in acton again my spine would shatter. And if I had another Compliance interview... bad stuff would happen.
[So why didn't he say he could take the ports out, if that would fix things?]
You can actually take them out? It's possible?
[She's having a difficult time grasping that. She should be able to remember a time when she didn't have ports; she was already an adult when that happened. But she can't remember; it's all been wiped away.]
I believe so, yes. If we were on my ship at home... but we're not, so I'd have to do a lot more research, build appropriate equipment, consult other doctors in the fleet. I'd understand if you didn't want to go through all that and I would never push you to do so. However, I think you should give it some serious thought.
[She hesitates before continuing.]
I also know from my scans that you have some serious memory loss. It's clearly not a result of natural causes and that's part of what makes me ... doubt what you have been told about the purpose of the ports.
[She's silent for a long time, just trying to fit this in to her understanding of the world, squeeze it past those things deep in her brain that say be loyal and mission first and--]
What I want doesn't matter. Only the mission matters.
[But what do you do when you don't have a mission?
Or if the mission was one, big lie?
It would feel really good, just about now, if she could get up and throw some furniture. If she could just make the room around her echo her own mental disorder and upset. But she can't really move, because of her back, always her fucking back.
And she knows that Dr. Crusher is right, is the hell of it. So why is it so hard to go from that step of knowing it to knowing it and then taking action?]
I forget things sometimes.
[No, that's not true.]
I can't remember things.
[And why can't you remember things?
I had a name that wasn't Wrath, once. North said so. I had parents. I had a family. Delta's sure of that. I had close friends, and something happened to them, they didn't just go away and fall out of touch and nothing to see here.]
You're right. [She finally looks at Dr. Crusher, really looks at her, and she's so fucking angry about everything, and she can't do anything but just swallow it down and burn.] It was all fucking lies, wasn't it.
[In order to give Wrath more time to process her thoughts and emotions, Beverly sets about measuring out the appropriate medication and preparing the needle for injection. She doesn't give Wrath the shot right away, however. Instead, she simply listens with a sympathetic ear. She doesn't need Deanna's empathic senses to feel the anger radiating from Wrath right now. When Wrath is finished, Beverly says the only thing that really can be said in a moment like this.]
I'm sorry. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now ... but I will do anything I can to help.
[Wrath herself is having a hard time understanding what she's going through right now. How many people have lied to her? Had Whiskey? How far did the bullshit go down? She can't even encompass it all right now. It's too much.
[She holds up the needle, sterilized and all ready to go.]
In the meantime, let's get you out of this bed. This shot should last you about a week, and then I'll stop by with another one. If the pain worsens before that, however, let me know immediately and I'll adjust the dose.
You sound like my captain. At home. Convincing him to take shore leave is always a chore.
[They've delayed this too long, so she goes ahead and takes Wrath's arm and injects the medication, just below the shoulder. The injection is quick and precise, hopefully not too painful. She disposes of the needle in a safe container to take back to her sickbay, then wipes the injection site with a alcohol swab and sticks a bandaid on it.]
There, all set! I'll wait with you, to make sure it's working properly and to help you get up.
[Suddenly remembering the cane, she stands and finds it leaning against the wall where she left it. It looks like something out of a Dickens novel, unfortunately.]
Oh! That's right! I managed to get you a cane. I know it's not much - no doubt Atroma's sick idea of a joke - but I think it'll work, until we can make you a better one.
[She used to be. Maybe she could be again. She has to try not to get her hopes up, though.
Wrath keeps quiet through the little procedure. She hates needles, but she's going to be a good patient; she'd like to be back on her feet. She's not doing anyone any good here.]
Okay. Thank you, Dr. Crusher.
[Wrath looks at the cane and then laughs, reaching out to take it.]
Wow, I don't think I've ever seen anything like this. They must have designed it just for me.
Dicks.
[This is hilarious.]
Yeah, I'd better ask the engineer guys if they can help me. After we're done with the derelict ship. I think they're all way too busy right now.
The Vision is an engineer, and so is Ray. I think I might just... You know, generally ask, in case someone has more time or a better idea for that kind of project. Since there are different kinds of engineers.
Though I don't know, maybe I shouldn't since I don't have anything useful I could trade.
[And wait, did she mention Dr. Bashir?]
I thought Dr. Bashir is a doctor.
...a really cute doctor.
[Hm.]
But you have way prettier hair than him.
... Maybe it's just that all the doctors in Proles are grouchy motherfuckers.
[Beverly winces slightly at "motherfucker." She's no prude about language, but that particular one does rub her post-sexism sensibilities the wrong way. However, letting it go for now, she pats her hair self-consciously. She hasn't really been doing much with it recently, just tossing it up in a ponytail so she can get to work.]
Well, thank you! And he is a doctor, in our universe. A Starfleet officer, like me. But for whatever reason, Atroma gave him an engineering augment instead.
So does that mean he doesn't get to doctor any more?
[Why would someone do that? It seems really dumb, to be honest. Then again, it's pretty dumb that they gave her a security augment when she's completely disabled.]
Oh, so he gets to be a doctor and an engineer, then. That's really cool. Then again, he's super smart so that makes sense.
[Smart to the point that it's a little intimidating, to be honest. If he had less of an adorable smile she wouldn't be looking forward to having a pretend drink with him some time.]
And you really know your stuff, so you guys are going to make a great team, I bet!
[Grin, and no sign of a blush. In this at least, she has no shame.]
He's got a really cute smile.
[Considers making a comment about taking that out for a ride but, for once in her life, discards it as inappropriate since Dr. Crusher is basically his coworker.]
And I'm pretty sure he was flirting with me. I think. Maybe? [Her normal methods involve more alcohol, less talking. The way regular people do things is hard.]
I'm really not used to smart people flirting with me, though. [It's a little scary, not that fear has ever really stopped her from doing anything.] It's kind of like talking to Delta, but he already had two boyfriends and I wasn't his type so it wasn't a thing, you know?
[She nods.] When there isn't the expectation of anything coming out of it... it's a lot easier. Not as much pressure.
[Like with her and Hawke.]
I wish I could help you more, but honestly, I don't know Julian all that well. He serves on a space station and I'm on a starship... we've seen each other in passing when my ship is docked there and we have some mutual friends, but that's it.
[However, she still gives Wrath an encouraging smile.]
Can't hurt to ask him for coffee or something though, right?
Yeah. Delta also does stuff like managed my money, since I'm not good at money. [Numbers. They used to make sense, didn't they?]
Oh, it's okay! Coffee sounds like a good plan of attack. Some kind of drinks.
[That she can definitely handle. As long as he doesn't want to talk about smart person things. Or hell, as long as he doesn't expect her to be able to talk about smart person things. She loves listening, which always helps.]
Makes sense, though. If you're in a big service, it's not like you'd know everyone.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[It's very ingrained in her to trust certain types of authority figures already... and moreso, she's very cognizant that there are things missing from her memory, that she gets confused. Her default is to trust anyone who seems trustworthy.
The problem here is that this directly contradicts certain things. But on the other hand, She knows that Bifrons has lied about... a lot of stuff. Things that she doesn't even know about. Dr. Crusher hasn't lied about anything, has she?]
Whiskey threw me out of the army because he said if I was in acton again my spine would shatter. And if I had another Compliance interview... bad stuff would happen.
[So why didn't he say he could take the ports out, if that would fix things?]
You can actually take them out? It's possible?
[She's having a difficult time grasping that. She should be able to remember a time when she didn't have ports; she was already an adult when that happened. But she can't remember; it's all been wiped away.]
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[She hesitates before continuing.]
I also know from my scans that you have some serious memory loss. It's clearly not a result of natural causes and that's part of what makes me ... doubt what you have been told about the purpose of the ports.
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What I want doesn't matter. Only the mission matters.
[But what do you do when you don't have a mission?
Or if the mission was one, big lie?
It would feel really good, just about now, if she could get up and throw some furniture. If she could just make the room around her echo her own mental disorder and upset. But she can't really move, because of her back, always her fucking back.
And she knows that Dr. Crusher is right, is the hell of it. So why is it so hard to go from that step of knowing it to knowing it and then taking action?]
I forget things sometimes.
[No, that's not true.]
I can't remember things.
[And why can't you remember things?
I had a name that wasn't Wrath, once. North said so. I had parents. I had a family. Delta's sure of that. I had close friends, and something happened to them, they didn't just go away and fall out of touch and nothing to see here.]
You're right. [She finally looks at Dr. Crusher, really looks at her, and she's so fucking angry about everything, and she can't do anything but just swallow it down and burn.] It was all fucking lies, wasn't it.
action (no worries! tis a good tag)
I'm sorry. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now ... but I will do anything I can to help.
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There's one thing she can say with certainty.]
I want this shit out of me.
[Because it's the biggest lie of all.]
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I'll find a way.
[She holds up the needle, sterilized and all ready to go.]
In the meantime, let's get you out of this bed. This shot should last you about a week, and then I'll stop by with another one. If the pain worsens before that, however, let me know immediately and I'll adjust the dose.
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Okay.
[Because what's her other option? She can't get rid of the things on her own.
The needle is eyed with an air of jaundiced distrust. She hates needles and the like. She's also very used to them at this point.
What's a little pinch of pain compared to everything else, anyway?]
Will do. I'll try not to be dumb about stuff again.
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[But... she should have known, somehow.] They told us we were going to be better soldiers.
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[They've delayed this too long, so she goes ahead and takes Wrath's arm and injects the medication, just below the shoulder. The injection is quick and precise, hopefully not too painful. She disposes of the needle in a safe container to take back to her sickbay, then wipes the injection site with a alcohol swab and sticks a bandaid on it.]
There, all set! I'll wait with you, to make sure it's working properly and to help you get up.
[Suddenly remembering the cane, she stands and finds it leaning against the wall where she left it. It looks like something out of a Dickens novel, unfortunately.]
Oh! That's right! I managed to get you a cane. I know it's not much - no doubt Atroma's sick idea of a joke - but I think it'll work, until we can make you a better one.
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[She used to be. Maybe she could be again. She has to try not to get her hopes up, though.
Wrath keeps quiet through the little procedure. She hates needles, but she's going to be a good patient; she'd like to be back on her feet. She's not doing anyone any good here.]
Okay. Thank you, Dr. Crusher.
[Wrath looks at the cane and then laughs, reaching out to take it.]
Wow, I don't think I've ever seen anything like this. They must have designed it just for me.
Dicks.
[This is hilarious.]
Yeah, I'd better ask the engineer guys if they can help me. After we're done with the derelict ship. I think they're all way too busy right now.
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Though I don't know, maybe I shouldn't since I don't have anything useful I could trade.
[And wait, did she mention Dr. Bashir?]
I thought Dr. Bashir is a doctor.
...a really cute doctor.
[Hm.]
But you have way prettier hair than him.
... Maybe it's just that all the doctors in Proles are grouchy motherfuckers.
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Well, thank you! And he is a doctor, in our universe. A Starfleet officer, like me. But for whatever reason, Atroma gave him an engineering augment instead.
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So does that mean he doesn't get to doctor any more?
[Why would someone do that? It seems really dumb, to be honest. Then again, it's pretty dumb that they gave her a security augment when she's completely disabled.]
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[Smart to the point that it's a little intimidating, to be honest. If he had less of an adorable smile she wouldn't be looking forward to having a pretend drink with him some time.]
And you really know your stuff, so you guys are going to make a great team, I bet!
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[And then she grins mischievously.]
And it sounds to me like you've got a little crush on him.
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He's got a really cute smile.
[Considers making a comment about taking that out for a ride but, for once in her life, discards it as inappropriate since Dr. Crusher is basically his coworker.]
And I'm pretty sure he was flirting with me. I think. Maybe? [Her normal methods involve more alcohol, less talking. The way regular people do things is hard.]
I'm really not used to smart people flirting with me, though. [It's a little scary, not that fear has ever really stopped her from doing anything.] It's kind of like talking to Delta, but he already had two boyfriends and I wasn't his type so it wasn't a thing, you know?
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[Like with her and Hawke.]
I wish I could help you more, but honestly, I don't know Julian all that well. He serves on a space station and I'm on a starship... we've seen each other in passing when my ship is docked there and we have some mutual friends, but that's it.
[However, she still gives Wrath an encouraging smile.]
Can't hurt to ask him for coffee or something though, right?
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Oh, it's okay! Coffee sounds like a good plan of attack. Some kind of drinks.
[That she can definitely handle. As long as he doesn't want to talk about smart person things. Or hell, as long as he doesn't expect her to be able to talk about smart person things. She loves listening, which always helps.]
Makes sense, though. If you're in a big service, it's not like you'd know everyone.
You have any boyfriends or anything?
[Yep, that sure was boyfriends with an s.]
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Nothing wrong with complicated. If you like complicated.
[She's not big into complicated herself, but hey. Different strokes for different folks and all that.]
As long as you're getting laid, that is.
[Priorities, Dr. Crusher.]
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There's a surprised pause and then Beverly just starts ... laughing.
Just give her a minute, here, Wrath.]
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Gotta think about what's important!
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Wrap?